WLW: Roadblocks

Oh, this was not a good week.

I was very, very bad on the weekend. It was not a free, eat-whatever-I-want weekend, and I still pretty much ate whatever I wanted. And what I wanted was not good.

I ate a whole bag ofSour Cream and Onion Lay's. I ate cookies. I ate a bunch of delicious – but so not on my eating plan – food leftover from a little party my sister had the night before, which included seven layer dip and chips, bread and spinach dip, and yogurt covered raisins.

I loved every bite. I admit that.

But falling so far off the wagon, as it were, leaves me feeling very disappointed in myself. Like when Mom used to give me the "I'm very disappointed in you" talk after seeing my report cards in high school kind of disappointed.

I need a hug.

I want to be thinner. I want to he healthier. So why am I sabotaging myself? I have always had a semi-unconscious fear of success, which is what usually led to those I'm Disappointed In You talks. This has led to several "what the fuck are you so afraid of, you dumb bitch!?" internal discussions.

Talking to yourself is something same people do, right?

Sigh. Anyway....

It's like food is mocking me or something.

Take my lunch today, for example. I started off with a lovely salad of mixed greens, strawberries and feta cheese, which has become my favourite salad ever in life.

See? So lovely.

I also had a cream of chicken Soup To Go, and went to the store for some deli chicken, just because I knew I was going to be starving if I didn't have just a little bit more than soup and salad.

The salad was fine, maybe a touch heavy on the dressing, but just fine beyond that. However, my soup decided to tip over in the microwave and spill its tasty contents all over the place. The chicken slices I got were gross. I should know better by now – stick with the cajun chicken, 'cause that hot and spicy kind was crap.

And to top it off, the Pepsi Max I bought just because I wanted one, was completely flat when I opened it.

And then, I got a stomach ache.

Clearly, food hates me and is punishing me.

So fine! You win, food! I'll not stray from the path... at least until I'm allowed... which WON'T be this coming weekend as I fucked up this last weekend.

So yeah, the result of this these follies?

Last week I was at 222.4 lbs

This week the magic number is...

*beep....beep....beep*

223.6 lbs

I gained, and therefore my weight loss total is now only 11.9 lbs.

My resolution for this week is to stop fucking around, and stop eating shit food.

We'll just wait and see how things go.

Sighs and smiles

~Ginger.