My sister asked if I would babysit Keisha for a few hours while she and her husband went to check out the trade show. It's a lot easier to take things in when you don't have a rambunctious 2-year-old with you. I get that. So I said sure.
I get over there and I get my usual greeting, "Hi Ammie" because she can't say Auntie just yet, and I'm told we will be having a tea party. That's all well and good. She doesn't quite get how to use a teapot, but she's enjoying herself.
Then we go upstairs for a riveting half hour of Toopy and Binoo. Keisha came and sat quietly with me, which seemed a little odd since she's usually running around all over the place and wanting to read stories and whatnot. Not today though. Brandy said she was probably tired when I got there, so I figured she was just that.
After Toopy and Binoo, I get to watch The Biggest Loser on the PVR, and Keisha takes her usual place in front of the TV. About half way through she turns around and makes a "I'm in a catastrophic amount of pain" noise and is holding her tummy. I asked her if her tummy hurt and she practically cried out yes and then came over to the big purple chair and laid her top half down on it, whimpering.
Now, I'm not a parent, but I remember being a kid, and a tummy ache almost always ends the same way: vomiting.
I cannot handle someone throwing up. I actually have a mini panic attack whenever someone, kid or adult, pukes in front of me. Or anywhere I can hear it. It stems back from an experience as a kid where I watched an adult have a huge freakout over a child puking. Ever since then, it has scared the holy fuck out of me.
I called my sister and told her what was happening, and asked what I should do. Keisha hadn't gotten sick yet, but I knew it was only a matter of time. She told me to try and give her some milk, which Keisha did drink a bit of, but then put her head back down on the chair and moaned some more.
I felt her forehead and it was burning hot, so I went to get some of her children's Advil, which she refused to try and drink. That led to calling Brandy again, which brought them home.
After I got of the phone, I almost started bawling.
I tried to hold it in, because Keisha was right beside me and I didn't want to freak her out, but I felt like the biggest piece of shit.
Why? Because there's this poor little girl who is obviously in pain, and all I can think is "please don't throw up, please don't throw up, please don't throw up" and "Oh god, please don't let me catch whatever she has if it's contagious."
I am such an asshole.
This is the reason why I think I would be just an absolutely horrid mother. I can't even keep it together when a small chid is sick, and kids get stomach bugs all the fucking time. How the hell am I supposed to take care of a kid of my own when I can't even keep it together when my niece is sick!? I'd be like that mom in The Divine Secrets of the YaYa Sisterhood, where like all four of her kids are puking and shitting at the same time and she's just having a huge fucking meltdown. That's gonna be me if I ever have kids. And her adult child in the movie hates her guts. Any kids I have are going to grow up to hate me.
Most people could've probably handled it until the parents got home, letting the kid puke... somewhere, I don't know. They would have done something!!
Keisha did manage to wait until her mom was home and proceeded to puke all over the two of them. And I still felt like a shit because all I wanted to do once she started puking was run downstairs and get away from it.
I am a horrible person.
Brandy told me it was okay, and I did what I should have done, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I cried my eyes out the entire drive home, and to be honest, am crying while I type this. I should never have children. I clearly won't be able to take care of them when they're sick, because I am completely useless. I have never felt shittier than I do right now. And I'm still fucking paranoid that I'm going to get the stomach flu, so I don't want to eat anything! Even though I've only had a banana today! That's how fucked up a human being I am.
But now I gotta stop crying and get dressed and finish what I need to do today. Hating myself the entire time.
An Awful Ammie,
Ginger.
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